History. Who cares?

 

History rewrites. Are you for them, against them or somewhere in between?

 

This is my third attempt to write this column. My first draft made no sense. Even on Planet Crack it would not have made sense.

The second draft was ponderous.  It’s never a good sign when I find my own writing loathsome, and pedantic, and just plain awful.

The subject was/is history rewrites. I got lost in a discussion of why they sometimes work. And why sometimes they don’t. Hard to believe, at least for me, but the column included an embarrassingly detailed account of AMC history rewrites throughout the years.  Blegghh.

I have strong opinions, both pro and con, about history rewrites. Why was I having such difficult time writing about them? Because I was tiptoeing around the one I really wanted to talk about. And what I have to say about it isn’t pretty:

Krystal used to work for defense attorneys? Really? I mean, REALLY? It’s clear we are supposed to forget about how she started the Mirabess mess. And went on to lead both JR and Bianca to believe that their babies were dead. Oh, and how she told Adam the baby was his, knowing all along that it was Tad’s. Not to mention the recent reveal that she sold infant Marissa for no small chunk of change.

I didn’t think my opinion of Krystal could sink any lower. This rewrite proved me wrong.

It makes Krystal even more odious. When she arrived in Pine Valley she was rude. She was nasty. She looked down on people who had more than she did. Her excuse for this behavior? She was poor. She was uneducated. The only jobs she could get were below minimum wage. She was forced to trade sex for reduced rent. There were times when all she and Babe had to eat was French toast made with a curling iron. The reason they moved so often? Because when she traded sexual favors for rent, she was trading them with married men. All this was no excuse for being rude, but it did explain much of her behavior. She painted this picture of a poverty-stricken single mother struggling to provide a home for daughter.

And now it turns out it was a lie.

She worked in a law office.  She had skills beyond “comforting” men. She wasn’t making an attorney’s salary but she wasn’t making minimum wage, either.  She had insurance.  She has a resume. She had a life that was the polar opposite of what she told the Valley.

Instead of making her appear to be a good person, she now looks like she has run the biggest con in Pine Valley history.

The Valley has had its share of cons.  There was Langely. And Myrtle. And the sleaze who was running the land deal to scam little old ladies.

Krystal has out done them all.

AMC has changed Krystal’s narrative. The problem with changing someone’s history to fit a storyline is that it seldom works. Maybe the change fits the story at this moment. Once the moment passes viewers are left shaking their fists at the TV screen.

It’s a quick fix that leaves a mess behind.

Sometimes a more recent history is rewritten. A good example of a bad rewrite is the burying of Greg Madden.

We saw how Tad behaved when Madden disappeared. Tad was afraid that he would never be able to track him down. He was frantic. All that made perfect sense. We could feel Thaddeus’ pain. He was lost with no idea what to do next.

Then the history of the previous few months was rewritten.  Tad was named the designated grave digger. Tad had known all along where Madden was. He was buried alive under a bed of flowering bushes in the public park.

It was bad enough learning that Tad was the culprit. It was even worse realizing that Tad was the one who dug Greg up, cleaned him and buried him again. Just thinking about it gives me the shudders.

Sure, the story was a surprise. But when the shock/surprise ended we were left with Tad. Not the Tad we had loved for decades, but a Tad who buried a man alive, dug him up, and buried him again. To add insult to injury, Tad went on to let Dixie, the love of his life, stand trial for a capital offense.

The shock was brief. The damage done to Tad’s character continues. Each time he rants about anyone being a bad person, I’m the one you hear shouting, “but you buried a man alive.” Tad has taken hypocrisy to a new level. And it doesn’t suit him.

There’s no hope for Krystal. The damage is done.

There is hope for Tad. What he needs is a long visit from a spectral Ray Gardener constantly telling him, “Guess you are a real Gardner after all.”

More writing needs to be done to make up for the rewrite.

Sigh.

I have one more history rewrite that irks me no end. Ryan was not born Ryan Lavery. He was born Ryan Curry. Lavery was his mother’s maiden name. He changed his last name to distance himself from his abusive father. His family’s surname is Curry.

I know it’s a little rewrite but it drives me crazy.

What do you think about rewrites? Do you agree with me or do you think I need a rewrite, too!

Thank you for reading what I write.

 

 

 

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Posted in Kate's Columns | 646 Comments

Shake the Snowglobe For Me

Anyone here ever watch the prime time drama, “St Elsewhere?”  OK, one, two, three… seven.  Got it.  Since it aired from 1982 – 1988, there’s a chance some of you weren’t even born or fully sciencent yet.  After six years of drama and interspliced humor and such, the show ended with an autistic child staring into a snowglobe with St. Eligius, the hospital which was the focus of the show, inside of it.  The whole show had taken place inside his head.

The other way “St. Elsewhere” ended was by killing a kitten, which is just nine kinds of wrong.  At the end of every episode until the last one, we had some form of Mimsie the Cat busting a move over the MTM logo.  Here is a series of Mimsie specialties:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CaOC7gKTiY&feature=related

For those of you who don’t want to click over, here’s Mimsie:

On the last episode, after six years of dedicated kitten, we got this:

I mean please!  They carried all the way through to Mimsie taking his/her last breath and flatlining.  ??!!

The last part about the dead cat is inconsequential to my column, but AMC is making wish that everything that is happening is inside an autistic child’s head and that he’s going to shake the snowglobe and fake snow is going to fall all around the Chandler Mansion.

I love AMC, do NOT get me wrong, but I have to wonder if a number of the folks who live in Pine Valley found Krystal’s secret crack stash (maybe y’all should have been calling her KRAK instead of KWAK) and have been hitting the pipe because they just aren’t making a whole heck of a lot of sense.  Maybe I’m just not twisted enough to live there and understand Pine Valley Logic.

For instance, since when does adultery become grounds to lose custody of your children?  If that was the case, nobody in town would have custody of their kids and that snowglobe would have be shaking fake snow around the biggest Child Protection Services office in the country.  Krystal, who is the pitbull watch dog of the AJ-napping, is a serial adulteress and her sainted Baby Doll, Arabella, was proof that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  I seem to recall there being a “Who’s the Daddy” story around that very child who is now AJ because she was busy sleeping with both Jamie and JR.

Tad has cheated multiple times, as has Erica.  Annie is a rampant cheater and still gets to have custody of Emma.  Oh please!  Annie has killed people and stabbed Erica Kane in front of a room full of witnesses and still has custody.  I fail to see why Marissa is able to get all lathered up and take AJ from JR when she has been his mother for all of 5-6 months.  During that handful of months, she didn’t seem to spend a whole lot of time mothering.  She took the bar exam twice, which I’m told involves a bit of studying here and there.  She obsessed over Annie and JR and when she did spend time with AJ, she scared him with her hooker make up.  That does not exactly equal Mother-of-the-Year.

Marissa freaked out because JR slept with Annie while they were separated (the second time) and while they were together in New York or where ever the heck they went on that business trip (the first time).  She, however, slept with Scott in the bed she shared with JR and seems to forget that.  They are pretty much tit for tat on sleeping with people while still married and committed.  The second time, they were not together and Marissa was living elsewhere.

AJ was swiped up from the only real home he’s ever known and the people who he loves and who love him and basically taken to live in a bar.  He has said multiple times that he misses his dad and he wants to go home, but no one seems interested in what the kid wants.  Marissa and her pit crew are too busy obsessing about who his dad is bedding now that Mom is out of the picture than what is actually best for AJ.

Had Marissa been paying attention, she would have noted that she is merely “Cancer Wife.”  Cancer Wife never gets to stick around and enjoy the robust, healthy man that comes after remission kicks in.  Cancer Wife gets dumped quite soundly within a year of whatever transplant is required to bring about a full recovery.  For references on this, you should look up “Zander Smith” on General Hospital who was the quintessential Cancer Husband his own self.  He not only got cheated on and dumped, but he got shot about 87 times, so Marissa should consider herself lucky here.

Clearly, everyone in Pine Valley is forgetting that Krystal actually went to prison for baby stealing and is now up to her old tricks again with the same righteous indignation she used to excuse her first round of child thieving.  I would think she would be legally banned for life from having any child in her custody after that brouhaha.  Since I see AJ with Krystal a lot more than I see him with Marissa, I think a pissing contest over who’s the better influence might be ill advised.

I am not at all saying that JR is a great father or an all around good guy, but seriously, pot meet kettle.  I’m not even sure how JR can look Tad in the face after the part he played in telling him that his own child was dead, much less treat him as a father and mentor.  I think I’d have to hold a grudge on that one, personally.

On the subject of JR, I have to move on to my next case of Pine Valley logic that is blowing over my head with gale force.  Why does everyone seem to think that JR has “stolen” Cortlandt Electronics away from Caleb, the rightful owner?  I seem to recall Caleb wanting no part of the company and putting it on the market as soon as he got his hands on it.  An offer was made.  He accepted it.  He got paid.  JR rightfully purchased a company the owner did not want and now he’s a bad guy for it?

I about fell over when Erica said something to Caleb along the lines of (I’m paraphrasing because I am way too lazy to look it up) “I see how respectful you are of Palmer’s legacy.”  Hahaha  WHAT?  The guy who spit on the company and put it up for sale without minutes of acquiring is respecting Palmer’s legacy?

I love Caleb, believe me.  He’s one of my favorite characters on the show right now, to tell the truth.  I don’t, however, feel he has gone the distance in honoring Palmer’s self-made-man company and for everyone to pretend that he’s the second coming of Eli Whitney isn’t really impressing me much.

Mind you, on the other side of things, while JR did acquire Cortlandt Electronics fair and square, he did wave it around like a trophy with that news conference after he got it and I imagine Palmer was squirming in his grave over that.  But again, whose fault was that if not Caleb’s?  JR might have honored Palmer’s memory as the beloved uncle of his beloved and long (long, long, freaking long) lamented mother, but the bottom line is that he is, first and foremost, Adam Chandler’s son.

Speaking of which, where is Adam?  I appreciate that the delightful David and Maureen Canary have a vibrant life on the East Coast, but *cough*cough* Pine Valley could sure use a dose of Adam right now to cure what ails’em.  I’m betting he could come in and straighten out the whole Chandler-Cortlandt thing (crowing all the while) and put a quick squelch on that custody issue and be home with Brooke in time for Cornflakes.

In some flyby observations:

It’s wonderful to see Kimberlin Brown (the judge in Greenlee’s trial), but I would love to see her do more.  She’s an extremely talented actress and now has to hide that light under the bushel of judge’s robes.

It has been so great to see Zach back again.  That man can sure light up a room and the dynamic between Thorsten Kaye and Alicia Minshew is absolutely sparkly.

When did Erica stop being sent into panic attacks by thunderstorms?  I think I missed a critical scene.

Bianca seriously needs something to do.

I miss Simone.

I miss Palmer too.  Something tells me that if anyone is shaking a snowglobe, fascinated by what’s happening inside it in Pine Valley Land, it’s Palmer.  I am holding strong to the theory that he set up Scott to steal the project and that he purposely pitted JR and Caleb against each other, knowing the weaknesses and strengths of each would be exploited to the fullest.  He was just that kind of guy.

See you in two weeks.

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Posted in Katrina's Columns | 2,863 Comments