Shake the Snowglobe For Me

Anyone here ever watch the prime time drama, “St Elsewhere?”  OK, one, two, three… seven.  Got it.  Since it aired from 1982 – 1988, there’s a chance some of you weren’t even born or fully sciencent yet.  After six years of drama and interspliced humor and such, the show ended with an autistic child staring into a snowglobe with St. Eligius, the hospital which was the focus of the show, inside of it.  The whole show had taken place inside his head.

The other way “St. Elsewhere” ended was by killing a kitten, which is just nine kinds of wrong.  At the end of every episode until the last one, we had some form of Mimsie the Cat busting a move over the MTM logo.  Here is a series of Mimsie specialties:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CaOC7gKTiY&feature=related

For those of you who don’t want to click over, here’s Mimsie:

On the last episode, after six years of dedicated kitten, we got this:

I mean please!  They carried all the way through to Mimsie taking his/her last breath and flatlining.  ??!!

The last part about the dead cat is inconsequential to my column, but AMC is making wish that everything that is happening is inside an autistic child’s head and that he’s going to shake the snowglobe and fake snow is going to fall all around the Chandler Mansion.

I love AMC, do NOT get me wrong, but I have to wonder if a number of the folks who live in Pine Valley found Krystal’s secret crack stash (maybe y’all should have been calling her KRAK instead of KWAK) and have been hitting the pipe because they just aren’t making a whole heck of a lot of sense.  Maybe I’m just not twisted enough to live there and understand Pine Valley Logic.

For instance, since when does adultery become grounds to lose custody of your children?  If that was the case, nobody in town would have custody of their kids and that snowglobe would have be shaking fake snow around the biggest Child Protection Services office in the country.  Krystal, who is the pitbull watch dog of the AJ-napping, is a serial adulteress and her sainted Baby Doll, Arabella, was proof that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  I seem to recall there being a “Who’s the Daddy” story around that very child who is now AJ because she was busy sleeping with both Jamie and JR.

Tad has cheated multiple times, as has Erica.  Annie is a rampant cheater and still gets to have custody of Emma.  Oh please!  Annie has killed people and stabbed Erica Kane in front of a room full of witnesses and still has custody.  I fail to see why Marissa is able to get all lathered up and take AJ from JR when she has been his mother for all of 5-6 months.  During that handful of months, she didn’t seem to spend a whole lot of time mothering.  She took the bar exam twice, which I’m told involves a bit of studying here and there.  She obsessed over Annie and JR and when she did spend time with AJ, she scared him with her hooker make up.  That does not exactly equal Mother-of-the-Year.

Marissa freaked out because JR slept with Annie while they were separated (the second time) and while they were together in New York or where ever the heck they went on that business trip (the first time).  She, however, slept with Scott in the bed she shared with JR and seems to forget that.  They are pretty much tit for tat on sleeping with people while still married and committed.  The second time, they were not together and Marissa was living elsewhere.

AJ was swiped up from the only real home he’s ever known and the people who he loves and who love him and basically taken to live in a bar.  He has said multiple times that he misses his dad and he wants to go home, but no one seems interested in what the kid wants.  Marissa and her pit crew are too busy obsessing about who his dad is bedding now that Mom is out of the picture than what is actually best for AJ.

Had Marissa been paying attention, she would have noted that she is merely “Cancer Wife.”  Cancer Wife never gets to stick around and enjoy the robust, healthy man that comes after remission kicks in.  Cancer Wife gets dumped quite soundly within a year of whatever transplant is required to bring about a full recovery.  For references on this, you should look up “Zander Smith” on General Hospital who was the quintessential Cancer Husband his own self.  He not only got cheated on and dumped, but he got shot about 87 times, so Marissa should consider herself lucky here.

Clearly, everyone in Pine Valley is forgetting that Krystal actually went to prison for baby stealing and is now up to her old tricks again with the same righteous indignation she used to excuse her first round of child thieving.  I would think she would be legally banned for life from having any child in her custody after that brouhaha.  Since I see AJ with Krystal a lot more than I see him with Marissa, I think a pissing contest over who’s the better influence might be ill advised.

I am not at all saying that JR is a great father or an all around good guy, but seriously, pot meet kettle.  I’m not even sure how JR can look Tad in the face after the part he played in telling him that his own child was dead, much less treat him as a father and mentor.  I think I’d have to hold a grudge on that one, personally.

On the subject of JR, I have to move on to my next case of Pine Valley logic that is blowing over my head with gale force.  Why does everyone seem to think that JR has “stolen” Cortlandt Electronics away from Caleb, the rightful owner?  I seem to recall Caleb wanting no part of the company and putting it on the market as soon as he got his hands on it.  An offer was made.  He accepted it.  He got paid.  JR rightfully purchased a company the owner did not want and now he’s a bad guy for it?

I about fell over when Erica said something to Caleb along the lines of (I’m paraphrasing because I am way too lazy to look it up) “I see how respectful you are of Palmer’s legacy.”  Hahaha  WHAT?  The guy who spit on the company and put it up for sale without minutes of acquiring is respecting Palmer’s legacy?

I love Caleb, believe me.  He’s one of my favorite characters on the show right now, to tell the truth.  I don’t, however, feel he has gone the distance in honoring Palmer’s self-made-man company and for everyone to pretend that he’s the second coming of Eli Whitney isn’t really impressing me much.

Mind you, on the other side of things, while JR did acquire Cortlandt Electronics fair and square, he did wave it around like a trophy with that news conference after he got it and I imagine Palmer was squirming in his grave over that.  But again, whose fault was that if not Caleb’s?  JR might have honored Palmer’s memory as the beloved uncle of his beloved and long (long, long, freaking long) lamented mother, but the bottom line is that he is, first and foremost, Adam Chandler’s son.

Speaking of which, where is Adam?  I appreciate that the delightful David and Maureen Canary have a vibrant life on the East Coast, but *cough*cough* Pine Valley could sure use a dose of Adam right now to cure what ails’em.  I’m betting he could come in and straighten out the whole Chandler-Cortlandt thing (crowing all the while) and put a quick squelch on that custody issue and be home with Brooke in time for Cornflakes.

In some flyby observations:

It’s wonderful to see Kimberlin Brown (the judge in Greenlee’s trial), but I would love to see her do more.  She’s an extremely talented actress and now has to hide that light under the bushel of judge’s robes.

It has been so great to see Zach back again.  That man can sure light up a room and the dynamic between Thorsten Kaye and Alicia Minshew is absolutely sparkly.

When did Erica stop being sent into panic attacks by thunderstorms?  I think I missed a critical scene.

Bianca seriously needs something to do.

I miss Simone.

I miss Palmer too.  Something tells me that if anyone is shaking a snowglobe, fascinated by what’s happening inside it in Pine Valley Land, it’s Palmer.  I am holding strong to the theory that he set up Scott to steal the project and that he purposely pitted JR and Caleb against each other, knowing the weaknesses and strengths of each would be exploited to the fullest.  He was just that kind of guy.

See you in two weeks.

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