By Katrina Rasbold

Don’t say I don’t go to the mountain for you people. With your thoughts, needs and wants in mind, I have made an exhaustive study of fan comments and emails (I get exhausted pretty fast, so it’s not really that impressive, but still, I think I picked up some worthwhile info) and I have received from your keyboard to mine, the top ten requests viewers have of their shows.

A very long time ago, the Rolling Stones assured us via radio waves and a tiny diamond digging into vinyl grooves, “You can’t always get what you want.”  (Clearly, they never heard of blackmail, which surprises me of the Stones.)  Can we come close to getting what we want?  The promise of that is what keeps us, the faithful, sticking around for decades on end… or not.

How close have to come to giving up on one or more of your soaps because they just were not meeting your entertainment needs any more?  When does the investment of time, nostalgia and plain ol’ curiosity of what will happen next give way to the feeling that you’re never going to get to watch anything you enjoy ever again?

I am, of course, speaking of soaps in general and this unbelievable dedication we have to them.  I have been an avid soap viewer for a very, very long time and, in fact, I can even pinpoint the day I started:  April 1, 1963 – the first airing of General Hospital.  Then came One Life to Live, then came All My Children.  It would take a lot for me to walk away from that history.  I’ve had marriages that lasted a whole lot less time and provided me with far less entertainment.  In fact, there is not one living soul who has been in my life for as long as soaps have been in my life.  I have often considered what it would take for me to fully let go of “my stories,” as my mother and I used to call them.

As viewers, we can be a harsh crowd.  We want what we want and truth be told, most of us want something different from the next person down on the message board.  As a columnist, I hear a great deal about what people want and a threat that is often made is that the writer (of the email or comment directed at me) will stop watching if _____ does or doesn’t happen.

Sometimes, it’s a cumulative issue where enough things have happened on the show to disappoint the viewer that if ____ does or doesn’t happen, it’s the last straw and they’re done.  Other times, it’s because they are so tightly invested in one actor, one character or one couple that if that goes away, they no longer have interest in the show.

In today’s life, we have many choices about how we spend our free time and a lot of demands on the time we have.  If you watch live, a soap opera takes up an hour of your time.  If you watch minus commercials, it’s around 40 minutes.  The question then becomes whether or not the entertainment value you are getting is worth that much of your time.

What are your triggers?  Do you hold that 40 minutes of your time hostage to the specific demands you have of the show?  After reading countless (literally, I did not count them) comments and emails from viewers who have strong opinions about the shows, I have compiled a list of  items that are important to the common viewer and some of the uncommon ones as well.

1)  Historical accuracy and respect

I don’t demand perfection at all and I don’t think most viewers do either.  Give us a good ol’ fashioned SORAS to make the story roll; we don’t care.  Show us a character who struggles with the emotional aspects of an unexpected hysterectomy and then ten years later, struggles with the emotional aspects of a change of life pregnancy; that’s what makes soaps great!  Send Bobby Martin on a ski trip and never bring him back.  We’re good with that because it makes for a great comic moment when we see a quick flash of his skeleton in the attic 20 years later!  (Plus we never liked that kid anyway)  We’re easy!  Really!  Just (Powers that be, pay attention here because this is very important) don’t pretend like we’re stupid. Well, some of us are, but most of us aren’t and this is not the time to dummy down to the stupidest ones of us in the bunch.

Don’t give us the back story of Krystal sitting on the bed painting her toenails and not caring that she hears from Babe until she mentions that she “got herself a rich one” at which time she was suddenly all ears if you aren’t going to stick to it.  Don’t give us the sob story of making full course dinners with an iron and a Bic lighter while servicing truck drivers on the side and then turn around and tell us that she was a legal secretary.  We were there.  We saw it.  Check before you write.  Don’t make the woman who stole a woman’s baby from her and allowed her to believe it died suddenly the best friend of that woman’s stepfather.  It just doesn’t fly and it makes us cross.  I knew Ruth Martin.  Ruth Martin was a friend of mine.  This woman is no Ruth Martin.

Although I was not excited about Josh Madden being un-aborted, I wasn’t offended by that story nearly as much as I was about the rewriting of why Erica had the abortion.  Erica had the abortion because she did not want a pregnancy to ruin her beautiful model figure and suddenly that was changed to the poor gal who was just pregnant at the wrong time.  Her decision was a landmark, ground-breaking soapy moment and it was pasteurized and sweetened up for that particular story for reasons I can’t imagine rather than bringing out the pure vanity that was at the heart of her choice.

2)  Stick to The Formula, please

Since the dawn of time and weekday soaps, there has been a specific formula that is followed and in the past few years, that has gone out the window and frankly, it causes me to feel as though I missed a step on the staircase and everything is all vertigo-y and catterwonky.

For writers and producers who came on board without being given the handbook, here’s The Formula:

Monday: Resolution of the REQUIRED cliffhanger on Friday.

Tuesday:  Something Blah and Boring because honestly, I need a day to schedule doctor appointments and to get my mani-pedi and possibly sleep.

Wednesday: The Bridge.  Some minor climax needs to occur to keep me hepped up for the week and secure my interest for the next 3 days.  Rivet me, baby.  Rivet me hard.

Thursday:  The False Resolution.   I need to feel like things are somewhat resolved from Wednesdays little mini-drama and starting to come down again before…

Friday:  BAM!  We hit with The Cliffhanger that keeps me on the edge of my teeth all weekend and makes me eat up the spoilers on the internet and count down the seconds until Monday’s episode.

That’s how it should be.  Sure, I understand that there are pre-emptions for news crap and the schedule gets thrown off by these new stupid rerun days, but plan for it when you can and catch up as soon as possible because The Formula is essential.  Lately (as in the past few years), Monday has felt like Thursday and Friday has felt like Wednesday and the rest of the week is always Tuesday.  I can only have so many appointments and naps in a week.  Fix this, please.

3)  Stay true to the character

It is understood that over time, a character must grow and develop as a result of the many exaggerated experiences they will encounter by living in a soap opera.  It is understood that new Head Writers will see a character through a different filter than the ones that came before and give that character different nuances and highlight personality facets we did not see or consider before.  We get it.  Where it becomes disconcerting is when a character is suddenly someone we do not recognize.

After the violence in which he was raised, I was surprised to find that Tad had buried Greg Madden under the flowers in the park and tortured him over time, ultimately leading to his death.  I could have let it go had – as in a plot our Eye on Soaps readers developed – there been some resolution to the act.  They suggested that Ray Gardner should come back to haunt Tad for his actions until he atoned, sort of a “Ghost of Fathers Past” kind of thing.  Tad has already shown a penchant for connecting with the other side, so bring it on. Instead, the only roll out we saw from this horrible act is that Krystal “comforted” him by cheating on Adam with him and getting pregnant with his child.  As so many others do, every time I hear Tad sneer about what a horrible person David Hayward was, I think, “Oh but Tad.  He never tortured and killed a man, now did he?”  He blackmailed.  He threatened.  He bribed.  I don’t believe he ever killed anyone.  O hypocrisy!  Thy name is Tad.

Where is my Jesse?  Is it fair that I enjoyed him more as a ghost than I do in present form?  Since his return and that beautiful, heart-wrenching Valentine’s Day reunion at the train station, I barely recognize one of my favorite characters.  I continue to mourn the death of the cop I loved and I have no idea who this clown is walking around in a Jesse costume.

When they do it, they do it right.  Jackson is always Jackson; Erica’s lap dog.  Annie is always dependably Annie.  Opal is wonderful Opal.  Erica will forever be Erica.  Kendall is Kendall and Bianca is Bianca.  Knowing that the show can be true to the integrity of the character unfortunately makes it stand out all the more when they don’t.

4)  Don’t focus on one character or couple exclusively

Above all, most viewers see soaps as an ensemble production.  At any given time, there are 20-30 contract actors playing characters on the show and we draw alliances with certain ones who resonate with us.  There is a broad spectrum of stories going on at any one time and we can usually expect that our favorites will be involved with one or more of them on some level, must to our pleasure.  Ideally, we have four stories going at any one time:  the front burner story, the up and coming story, the one that is just starting to perk and the one that is resolving and going away.  Unfortunately, there is a trend as of late to involve one character or couple in all of those situations and have them be the constant, ongoing primary focus.  Yes, I’m talking to YOU, General Hospital and All My Children is skating on some seriously thin ice about to fall into that same icy death trap of a lake.

If the primary focus is on a character we do not enjoy, there is a far greater chance we will tune out and find something we do enjoy.  I can’t imagine any one character I want to watch for the majority of the episode.  OK, that’s a lie. I will admit to a secret hope that “The Adam Chandler Show” will one day air.  I’ve met Adam Chandler.  Adam Chandler is a friend of mine.  You, Ryan Lavery, are no Adam Chandler.

And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

5)  Don’t overuse the joke.

Dorothy.  Because she fell out of the sky.  We get it.  Now stop.  Please.

stop

6)  Two words:  fact check.

As with so many other things, we do not expect perfection by any means and we are perfectly willing to suspend things like reality and common sense to keep the story rolling.  Writers have enough to do without having to nitpick every single little thing to death.  We do understand that.  But c’mon.  Throw us a bone on the obvious stuff.  There are enough of us out here without law degrees and having not ever appeared on a single episode of “Cops” who know that there is no way on God’s green earth Caleb could pull enough strings for Marissa to get exclusive custody of AJ without an investigation or hearing of some kind and especially allow his primary caregiver to be a woman who was sentenced to 10 years in prison for baby-napping and have his primary place of play be a bar.  Google that stuff before you feed it to us and we won’t choke quite as hard on it.

7)  Easy does it on the new characters.

We fear change. Change is bad.  We want everything to stay the way it was when it was at its best.  We want Ryan to always been that roguish, devilish con artist we loved.  We want Leo to live.  We want Adam back in charge of Chandler Enterprises.  We want Palmer shaking his fist at him from across town.  Myrtle… Oh Myrtle.  The reality is that actors die or retire or don’t work out or ask for too much money in contract negotiations and are bound to eventually go away.  A show often benefits from a flow of new blood into the character pool.  How else would we get the staples of long lost children and evil twins and abusive husbands who show up out of nowhere and reformed hookers?  As much as we hate it, we need new characters.  Our favorites were once new characters themselves.

Someone had to bop DA North on the head with that bookend and she needed to be expendable enough that she could be prosecuted after the false, red-herring arrest and then go away.  But she stayed.  SOMEONE had to come forward to run Cortlandt Electronics and be the foe to JR’s reign of terror and if we can’t get Nina or heck, even Petey to do it, I guess Caleb will do (I am admittedly biased, blinded by the fantastic hugs Michael Nouri gives at Fan Club Weekends and do not want him to go away before I can score another 15-20 of ‘em).  Damon needed an arch-enemy to battle for Colby lest they fall away into teenage relationship boredom, so enter Asher.

As with so many other protocols, there are rules for newcomers.  There must be a respectable period of lurking and background scenes with promotion to the forefront only when in conjunction with an established character or some issue likely to rate high on our interest meter (please consult with a designated viewer who is not affiliated with the show professionally to make certain this scene will interest us).  They are by no means to be thrust into prominent position or in any way established into a circumstance where we are expected to care what has happened to them in the past, what is happening to them currently or what will happen to them in the future except as it involves an established character.  Please see the information below to further explain:

Ensign Ricky wears a RED shirt.  To answer the riddle posed above, Ensign Ricky is not coming back.  Asher, for instance, is Ensign Ricky.  We do not care if he gets eaten by a sludge monster or blasted away by an angry Greek God Child on The Planet (or in Pine Valley).  Asher/Ricky has earned neither our disdain nor our interest.  Having him turn out to be Caleb’s son does not interest us because Caleb is still Ensign Ricky as well.  (Are you keeping up here?)  Having Asher turn out to be Silver Kane in disguise — now that might captivate us for a while.

Di Miller was Ensign Ricky and we did not care about her in the slightest.  Having Di teased to us as though she was actually Dixie, however, upped her value and moved her from red shirt to a sort of tentative blue shirt.  Do you see how that works?  When she was revealed to not actually be Dixie after all, she was relegated back to red shirt and no one cared again.

Do not ever attempt to put a red shirt ensign into a captain’s gold shirt.  We will hurt you.  Seriously.  Honor the pecking order at all costs.

8 )  Bad acting or just bad casting hurts our teeth like tin foil.

Overall, our casting directors on all three ABC soaps do a great job and we get to meet some wonderful actors we might otherwise never get to encounter.  It is rare that I have the “Oh my dear Lord what were they thinking?” thought go through my head, but when it does it, it’s typical that I see a whole lot of other people voicing the same thought.  Sometimes, it’s not really that the actor isn’t good at what they do, but more than they are simply wrong for the part and do not remind us of the established character we have grown to know and appreciate.  This Liza is so far away from Marcy Walker’s Liza that it might as well just be another character altogether.  Between the actor’s interpretation of a character and the writers’ interpretation of a character when neither was around during that character’s previous tenure, things can get really dicey.

Again, a little homework and due diligence goes a long way and make us much happier.  A great actor is a fantastic asset, but not if we have to keep reminding ourselves who they are supposed to be playing.

Sometimes, sadly, there are just bad actors and that’s definitely a shame.  Casting someone who looks like the previous actor who played the character, but is just not all that talented is just as grating.  All we ask is that you be careful and give a nod to the previous actor if it’s a recast of an established actor.  Equal weight between familiarity and talent is extremely important.

9)  If it’s not working, know when you’re done

I don’t even pretend to know why certain couples are pushed and pushed when they are universally hated, why interesting stories are dropped (Who the complete heck killed DIXIE??? and why is Tad not moving Heaven and earth to find this out?) and other horrible ones are continued (Please make Angie un-blind immediately!), but when a story is moving along and it becomes cumbersome and isn’t working, don’t be afraid to let it go and start something else.  We’ll forgive you.

Surely the writers can feel when a story isn’t working, when a couple is just played out and when a particular aspect of the story is just dragging down the whole show.  High five and call it good, but please, make a cursory effort at tying up those loose ends so we don’t have even more crap running through our heads at 2:00am when the menopausal brain monkeys are keeping us entrenched in that “night restlessness” we were warned to expect.

Who DID kill Dixie?

10) Remember the lost little kittens

“Out of sight, out of mind” seems to be the calling card of soap opera.  When a character is written off of the show, unless there are established plans for a return (Kendall and Zach, for instance), that character might just as well never have existed.  What the writers forget is that we form attachments to certain characters and an occasional mention warms the cockles of our wee baby hearts and further endears the show to us.

I am not suggesting that a full role call of all past characters and their current circumstances and whereabouts be given on a regular basis, but it’s nice to know that those who were once essential story material are still in the minds and hearts of the characters who were close with them.  If a character is not killed off, we do not get to adequately grieve their exit and darn it, we want to know!  What happened to Ben after he got out of prison?  Where and how are Lily and Reggie?  Can Tom Wopat please come back and romance Opal a little bit more?  Can Father Clarence maybe get hit by a train or sent back down to hell where he no doubt originated?  Tell us a bit here and there about those characters unseen but not forgotten!

The business of soap opera production depends on people – like me, I’ll admit it – who aren’t going anywhere.  I love my shows and I don’t expect to stop watching them at any point.  I might lag behind once in a while if I am not swept away by the stories being told, but I will have them in my life as long as they are around.   I have definitely watched soaps longer than anyone involved with ABC soaps has worked for them.  That doesn’t by any means give me a license to tell them what to do, but hey, a girl can dream, right?  ;)

See you in two weeks.

Share this:

History rewrites. Are you for them, against them or somewhere in between?

This is my third attempt to write this column. My first draft made no sense. Even on Planet Crack it would not have made sense.

The second draft was ponderous.  It’s never a good sign when I find my own writing loathsome, and pedantic, and just plain awful.

The subject was/is history rewrites. I got lost in a discussion of why they sometimes work. And why sometimes they don’t. Hard to believe, at least for me, but the column included an embarrassingly detailed account of AMC history rewrites throughout the years.  Blegghh.

I have strong opinions, both pro and con, about history rewrites. Why was I having such difficult time writing about them? Because I was tiptoeing around the one I really wanted to talk about. And what I have to say about it isn’t pretty:

Krystal used to work for defense attorneys? Really? I mean, REALLY? It’s clear we are supposed to forget about how she started the Mirabess mess. And went on to lead both JR and Bianca to believe that their babies were dead. Oh, and how she told Adam the baby was his, knowing all along that it was Tad’s. Not to mention the recent reveal that she sold infant Marissa for no small chunk of change.

I didn’t think my opinion of Krystal could sink any lower. This rewrite proved me wrong.

It makes Krystal even more odious. When she arrived in Pine Valley she was rude. She was nasty. She looked down on people who had more than she did. Her excuse for this behavior? She was poor. She was uneducated. The only jobs she could get were below minimum wage. She was forced to trade sex for reduced rent. There were times when all she and Babe had to eat was French toast made with a curling iron. The reason they moved so often? Because when she traded sexual favors for rent, she was trading them with married men. All this was no excuse for being rude, but it did explain much of her behavior. She painted this picture of a poverty-stricken single mother struggling to provide a home for daughter.

And now it turns out it was a lie.

She worked in a law office.  She had skills beyond “comforting” men. She wasn’t making an attorney’s salary but she wasn’t making minimum wage, either.  She had insurance.  She has a resume. She had a life that was the polar opposite of what she told the Valley.

Instead of making her appear to be a good person, she now looks like she has run the biggest con in Pine Valley history.

The Valley has had its share of cons.  There was Langely. And Myrtle. And the sleaze who was running the land deal to scam little old ladies.

Krystal has out done them all.

AMC has changed Krystal’s narrative. The problem with changing someone’s history to fit a storyline is that it seldom works. Maybe the change fits the story at this moment. Once the moment passes viewers are left shaking their fists at the TV screen.

It’s a quick fix that leaves a mess behind.

Sometimes a more recent history is rewritten. A good example of a bad rewrite is the burying of Greg Madden.

We saw how Tad behaved when Madden disappeared. Tad was afraid that he would never be able to track him down. He was frantic. All that made perfect sense. We could feel Thaddeus’ pain. He was lost with no idea what to do next.

Then the history of the previous few months was rewritten.  Tad was named the designated grave digger. Tad had known all along where Madden was. He was buried alive under a bed of flowering bushes in the public park.

It was bad enough learning that Tad was the culprit. It was even worse realizing that Tad was the one who dug Greg up, cleaned him and buried him again. Just thinking about it gives me the shudders.

Sure, the story was a surprise. But when the shock/surprise ended we were left with Tad. Not the Tad we had loved for decades, but a Tad who buried a man alive, dug him up, and buried him again. To add insult to injury, Tad went on to let Dixie, the love of his life, stand trial for a capital offense.

The shock was brief. The damage done to Tad’s character continues. Each time he rants about anyone being a bad person, I’m the one you hear shouting, “but you buried a man alive.” Tad has taken hypocrisy to a new level. And it doesn’t suit him.

There’s no hope for Krystal. The damage is done.

There is hope for Tad. What he needs is a long visit from a spectral Ray Gardener constantly telling him, “Guess you are a real Gardner after all.”

More writing needs to be done to make up for the rewrite.

Sigh.

I have one more history rewrite that irks me no end. Ryan was not born Ryan Lavery. He was born Ryan Curry. Lavery was his mother’s maiden name. He changed his last name to distance himself from his abusive father. His family’s surname is Curry.

I know it’s a little rewrite but it drives me crazy.

What do you think about rewrites? Do you agree with me or do you think I need a rewrite, too!

Thank you for reading what I write.

Share this:

The other way “St. Elsewhere” ended was by killing a kitten, which is just nine kinds of wrong.  At the end of every episode until the last one, we had some form of Mimsie the Cat busting a move over the MTM logo.  Here is a series of Mimsie specialties:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CaOC7gKTiY&feature=related

For those of you who don’t want to click over, here’s Mimsie:

On the last episode, after six years of dedicated kitten, we got this:

I mean please!  They carried all the way through to Mimsie taking his/her last breath and flatlining.  ??!!

The last part about the dead cat is inconsequential to my column, but AMC is making wish that everything that is happening is inside an autistic child’s head and that he’s going to shake the snowglobe and fake snow is going to fall all around the Chandler Mansion.

I love AMC, do NOT get me wrong, but I have to wonder if a number of the folks who live in Pine Valley found Krystal’s secret crack stash (maybe y’all should have been calling her KRAK instead of KWAK) and have been hitting the pipe because they just aren’t making a whole heck of a lot of sense.  Maybe I’m just not twisted enough to live there and understand Pine Valley Logic.

For instance, since when does adultery become grounds to lose custody of your children?  If that was the case, nobody in town would have custody of their kids and that snowglobe would have be shaking fake snow around the biggest Child Protection Services office in the country.  Krystal, who is the pitbull watch dog of the AJ-napping, is a serial adulteress and her sainted Baby Doll, Arabella, was proof that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  I seem to recall there being a “Who’s the Daddy” story around that very child who is now AJ because she was busy sleeping with both Jamie and JR.

Tad has cheated multiple times, as has Erica.  Annie is a rampant cheater and still gets to have custody of Emma.  Oh please!  Annie has killed people and stabbed Erica Kane in front of a room full of witnesses and still has custody.  I fail to see why Marissa is able to get all lathered up and take AJ from JR when she has been his mother for all of 5-6 months.  During that handful of months, she didn’t seem to spend a whole lot of time mothering.  She took the bar exam twice, which I’m told involves a bit of studying here and there.  She obsessed over Annie and JR and when she did spend time with AJ, she scared him with her hooker make up.  That does not exactly equal Mother-of-the-Year.

Marissa freaked out because JR slept with Annie while they were separated (the second time) and while they were together in New York or where ever the heck they went on that business trip (the first time).  She, however, slept with Scott in the bed she shared with JR and seems to forget that.  They are pretty much tit for tat on sleeping with people while still married and committed.  The second time, they were not together and Marissa was living elsewhere.

AJ was swiped up from the only real home he’s ever known and the people who he loves and who love him and basically taken to live in a bar.  He has said multiple times that he misses his dad and he wants to go home, but no one seems interested in what the kid wants.  Marissa and her pit crew are too busy obsessing about who his dad is bedding now that Mom is out of the picture than what is actually best for AJ.

Had Marissa been paying attention, she would have noted that she is merely “Cancer Wife.”  Cancer Wife never gets to stick around and enjoy the robust, healthy man that comes after remission kicks in.  Cancer Wife gets dumped quite soundly within a year of whatever transplant is required to bring about a full recovery.  For references on this, you should look up “Zander Smith” on General Hospital who was the quintessential Cancer Husband his own self.  He not only got cheated on and dumped, but he got shot about 87 times, so Marissa should consider herself lucky here.

Clearly, everyone in Pine Valley is forgetting that Krystal actually went to prison for baby stealing and is now up to her old tricks again with the same righteous indignation she used to excuse her first round of child thieving.  I would think she would be legally banned for life from having any child in her custody after that brouhaha.  Since I see AJ with Krystal a lot more than I see him with Marissa, I think a pissing contest over who’s the better influence might be ill advised.

I am not at all saying that JR is a great father or an all around good guy, but seriously, pot meet kettle.  I’m not even sure how JR can look Tad in the face after the part he played in telling him that his own child was dead, much less treat him as a father and mentor.  I think I’d have to hold a grudge on that one, personally.

On the subject of JR, I have to move on to my next case of Pine Valley logic that is blowing over my head with gale force.  Why does everyone seem to think that JR has “stolen” Cortlandt Electronics away from Caleb, the rightful owner?  I seem to recall Caleb wanting no part of the company and putting it on the market as soon as he got his hands on it.  An offer was made.  He accepted it.  He got paid.  JR rightfully purchased a company the owner did not want and now he’s a bad guy for it?

I about fell over when Erica said something to Caleb along the lines of (I’m paraphrasing because I am way too lazy to look it up) “I see how respectful you are of Palmer’s legacy.”  Hahaha  WHAT?  The guy who spit on the company and put it up for sale without minutes of acquiring is respecting Palmer’s legacy?

I love Caleb, believe me.  He’s one of my favorite characters on the show right now, to tell the truth.  I don’t, however, feel he has gone the distance in honoring Palmer’s self-made-man company and for everyone to pretend that he’s the second coming of Eli Whitney isn’t really impressing me much.

Mind you, on the other side of things, while JR did acquire Cortlandt Electronics fair and square, he did wave it around like a trophy with that news conference after he got it and I imagine Palmer was squirming in his grave over that.  But again, whose fault was that if not Caleb’s?  JR might have honored Palmer’s memory as the beloved uncle of his beloved and long (long, long, freaking long) lamented mother, but the bottom line is that he is, first and foremost, Adam Chandler’s son.

Speaking of which, where is Adam?  I appreciate that the delightful David and Maureen Canary have a vibrant life on the East Coast, but *cough*cough* Pine Valley could sure use a dose of Adam right now to cure what ails’em.  I’m betting he could come in and straighten out the whole Chandler-Cortlandt thing (crowing all the while) and put a quick squelch on that custody issue and be home with Brooke in time for Cornflakes.

In some flyby observations:

It’s wonderful to see Kimberlin Brown (the judge in Greenlee’s trial), but I would love to see her do more.  She’s an extremely talented actress and now has to hide that light under the bushel of judge’s robes.

It has been so great to see Zach back again.  That man can sure light up a room and the dynamic between Thorsten Kaye and Alicia Minshew is absolutely sparkly.

When did Erica stop being sent into panic attacks by thunderstorms?  I think I missed a critical scene.

Bianca seriously needs something to do.

I miss Simone.

I miss Palmer too.  Something tells me that if anyone is shaking a snowglobe, fascinated by what’s happening inside it in Pine Valley Land, it’s Palmer.  I am holding strong to the theory that he set up Scott to steal the project and that he purposely pitted JR and Caleb against each other, knowing the weaknesses and strengths of each would be exploited to the fullest.  He was just that kind of guy.

See you in two weeks.

Share this:

What’s the difference between a trial in Pine Valley and a train to Crazy Town? As far as I can tell, nothing at all.

AMC doesn’t even try for verisimilitude. I am not exactly complaining about that. After all, this is a soap.  And frankly, if logic prevailed it wouldn’t be a trial in Pine Valley.

There are many traditions in a PV trial. “Don’t say anything bad about the dead” has no place in a PV courtroom. In fact, just the opposite is true. The more the murdered party is defamed, the more likely it is that no one will serve time. In the case of the evil but sexy David Hayward, the defaming started before the body was cold.

Erica must affect the proceedings in some ridiculous manner.  Most times, she rushes into the courtroom, disrupting the proceedings.  Instead of throwing her out of the courtroom, the judge lets her stay. The judge lets her stay to testify from the middle of the aisle. And without being sworn in.

Equally important is that Erica’s testimony is seldom, well, seldom,uhh, useful. In this trial, Erica was sitting in the correct place and sworn in. The only thing that didn’t change was the uselessness of her testimony. She informed the court that Jack, the defendant’s father, believed in his daughter’s innocence. Hardly shocking and certainly not relevant.  In addition, while testifying, she and Jack were exchanging smoldering looks. I half expected the judge to call a recess so  the witness and the defense attorney could have sex on the courtroom floor. Or on the tables. Or in the jury box. Or on the judge’s comfy looking chair.

If I had a dollar for each time a witness committed perjury, I could afford to buy a few Bump-Its for my sad hair. Add in a dollar for each time someone manufactured and/or destroyed evidence, I could buy the company that makes Bump-Its.

Tad has demonstrated almost extraordinary skill at manufacturing evidence. If he hadn’t produced the fake pictures, Brooke might have served time for killing Jim Thomason.

If Tad hadn’t gone to extraordinary lengths, Zach and Dixie would be spending their last days on Death Row in the Big House for killing Greg Madden. Of course, Tad had a self-serving reason for those actions. Yes, he wanted Dixie, and to a lesser extent, Zach, to go free. That required quite a lot of skill. He had to manufacture evidence that freed Zach and Dixie without pointing the investigation in his direction.

Why was Tad concerned about the investigation turning in his direction? Because he’s the one responsible for Madden’s death.

Guilt or innocence has little place in a PV trial; where would the fun be in that?

Ahh, what a tangled web Pine Valley justice weaves.

I don’t even know why this trial is being held at all. To convict someone of murder, doesn’t someone need to be dead?  And since I refuse to believe that David is dead, this trial, while fun, will turn out to have had no purpose at all. 

It’ll likely to turn out that the only thing this trial achieves is Madison’s broken heart. Considering Madison is guilty of, but was never tried for, murder maybe justice will finally be served. After all, isn’t losing Ryan the greatest punishment of all?

Let’s see, did anything else of interest happen in the Valley last week? Be patient, please, I am doing my best to come up with something.

Oh, yeah, there was this

What a beautiful couple. A beautiful couple who will, undoubtedly, soon experience something dreadful.

That’s not a spoiler because every happy couple in Pine Valley experiences something dreadful.

And there is no justice in that at all.

See you in two weeks. As always, thank you for reading what I write.

Share this:

Have you EVER seen due process served up so quickly?  It’s like getting fillet Mignon at the drive through window of McDonalds!  Greenlee was barely in custody when people started being thrust up onto the witness stand like Pez popping out of a dispenser.

Although we will touch on a bit of David Hayward’s witch hunt roast murder trial, we first need to discuss the most important aspect of this debacle:  hair.

Liza got her unwieldy mane under control and showed up with very respectable lawyer hair.  Wait.  That deserves capital letter:  Very Respectable Lawyer Hair.  She’s not quite up to District Attorney Hair yet being as how she is only an interim District Attorney.  You have to be the actual Actual District Attorney to rate the severe bun look.  Jack never did manage to pull that one off, but Damon might aspire to do so.

Speaking of Damon…

… he makes quite a good girl Friday, don’tcha think?  Liza could only treat him worse if she forced him to wear a loincloth and beat him between cross-examinations, but he takes it like the tough little Martin man he is (sort of).

With that aside out of the way, let me just give kudos as a Proper Southern Woman (cross-reference Bobbie Eakes/Krystal Carey) to Greenlee for her adorable use of the Innocent Defendant Bumpit:

You Go, Girl! Get yo' Bumpit ON!

That’s right.  All those Yankee women envy our big hair.  How can you not, really?

I was personally tremendously excited by another impressive inspiration which very nearly eclipses the beauty of big hair (but not quite) and that is the fact that throughout all of Monday’s episode, I did not once have to hear Caleb refer to Erica as “Dorothy.”  OK, writers.  We get the joke.  It was cute the first couple of times and God in His Rightful Heaven knows I love me some Caleb, but now it’s about as funny as the 47th time your senile Uncle Clarence tells that joke about the duck that walks into a bar.  Time to mosey along and leave that one in the annals of time.

(Yes, I was so tempted, but I didn’t)

Here’s one for ya:

"Hello, Ms Kane." "Why helllllloooooo, Counselor."

Don’t you kind of get the feeling that they have used those very lines with one another at “special times?”  I was praying that while Liza questioned Erica, she would actually offer up, “Why no.  I do NOT believe Greenlee was responsible for my plane crash.  I take full responsibility for it since I did not allow the pilot to complete his safety inspection or file a flight plan.  Had I let him do his job, my plane would not have crashed and we would not be having this conversation.” 

Don't worry. I shook it off. Back in the real world now.

I loved Liza’s questioning of Kendall and how the conversation did not seem to be happening between two people who were even in the same room.  “Were you aware of any serious strain between Mr. & Mrs. Hayward?”  “I wouldn’t know.”  Rather than asking permission from the judge to treat Kendall as a “hostile witness,” I expected her to say, “You wouldn’t know whether or not you were aware of serious strain?  Your honor, I would like permission to treat Ms Slater as an overly unaware witness.”

Some interesting and eye-raising moments did occur:

Ryan sure knows how to shut a girl up

Remind me to start babbling inanely around him next time I see him.  This does pose this question however:

Oh yeah, her

Did everyone, especially Ryan, forget that the girl he’s ditching got away with murder?  It’s clear where this story is heading and whether the viewers want it or not, a Greenlee-Ryan pairing seems inevitable.  That leaves Madison out in the cold and I’m betting there’s going to be a handy bookend where ever she is when she finds out that she’s yesterday’s news in LaveryLand.  We all know that Ryan doesn’t do so well with bonks on the head, so unless she wants his etch-a-sketch shaken again, she might want to do the job right and go for the kill.

But wait!  We need her!  Who else will run Fusion?  Randi is clearly distracted by every shiny thing around her and Bianca is worthless, despite coming all the way from Paris to run the company.  Madison is the only one I ever see doing any work and Lord knows she needs a raise.  Maybe she can get away with a second murder and eventually gain controlling interest of Denver-Carrington Fusion ala Alexis Carrington and leave all of these inattentive owners in the dust.  Jeez, at least give the girl a raise!

Clearly, Kendall can’t run the business since she is far too busy complaining endlessly about her 45 minutes of community service. I seem to remember David dumping ashtrays and mopping floors at Pine Valley hospital for months this much complaint, but God forbid Kendall break a nail while paying for the felony she committed.  What a whiner!

Did I actually hear this?  Did I? 

"Oh how I wish evvvvvverybody could come back to Pine Valley!!"

Would this not have been a prime time to say, “Well, at least JOSH could be here with us since your husband shot him right in his head so you could have his heart to walk around where ever we go!  Isn’t family great??!!!”

I have a lot of evvvverbodys I’d love to see come back.

Erica said something a week or so ago that really got my attention, “Greenlee brought out the worst in David.”  I am surprised that a huge fissure didn’t rip right through the middle of Pine Valley and create a vortex so strong it sucked every living creature and all of the sound stage sets into its greedy, gaping maw never to be seen again.  How could anyone say something even back-handedly positive about David or even allude to the idea that Greenlee might be at fault in something without the whole, entire issue being David’s fault?  It hardly seems possible. I’ll bet there’s a David’s Fault Line that runs through Pine Valley waiting to break open if anyone ever speaks positively of David.

Another thing that is hard to imagine is that things actually did happen that had nothing to do with the Wretchedness of David.  Strange, but true!

Poor Scott got hauled off to prison because remember, due process is served up hot and speedy in the Valley!  He’s off and will come back with a different face as soon as he has finished standing around in a cell and talking to Greenlee for his community service punishment.  Why oh why did he just babble out his confession to Caleb?  I can only presume that his brain was numb from having been cuckolded yet again by JR.  I’m surprised Annie doesn’t go dig up poor Stuart’s dead body and violate it since she seems intent on working her way through every Chandler man there is.  It has to hurt when your marriage turns out to be just another name crossed off on the dance card.

Our Kate Brown presented an intriguing thought:  What if this whole “he stole the idea” story is actually a plot by Palmer to screw with the Chandlers from beyond the grave?  Did he tells Scott about the invention (and then not mention it in his will) because he knew Scott would steal it and that would be the downfall of Chandler Enterprises?  Certainly, back in the OLD DAYS, corporate rivalry was something Adam and Palmer took very, very seriously and there was a time they would do anything to bring one another down.  Could this be one final jab from the great beyond?  Did “Ol’ Pete Cooney” have a plan?  Could it be that deliciously complex?

Another question posed:  Are we on the brink of a “Who’s the Daddy” story with Annie?  We haven’t had one in a while and a pregnancy in which either JR or Scott is the daddy would really twist the knife in the cousin’s rivalry!

I try to keep current on the AMC casting details, but seriously, no one told me the entire cast of the movie “Superbad” had been hired for a quick dayplayer shot:

"GLORious, vicTORious. Thank God there aren't any MORE of us."

Oh wait, one more

Cue JR to save the day and the Pine Valley Wheel just keeps on turning.  There are few things one can depend on in life, but God bless All My Children for giving us a few:  Erica will never be referred to as “Grandma.”  Jack will always have great hair (without a bumpit even!).  David will ALWAYS be responsible for anything that happens, even if he’s dead.  A Martin will always have a legally defensible reason for breaking the law and JR and Annie will always end up in bed.  That’s what makes things right in the world. 

See you in two weeks.  =)

Share this:

“Who am I? Crazy Annie? Some gold-digging slut who married Adam Chandler and then cheated on him with his son? Women like me-we don’t get respect. We get spit on. We get ignored. I just want to be seen and I try so hard. I’ll always be nothing.” 

Annie’s soliloquy was a quicktears moment for me. Props to the writers for tapping into Annie’s soul. Even more props to Melissa Claire Egan for her raw, emotional performance. Quicktears moments are rare these days. It’s comforting that these moments are still possible on AMC. 

For quite some time, I’ve believed that Annie is 80% messed up and 20% crazy. OK, so realistically speaking it’s more like 75% messed up and 25% crazy. 

It’s clear that something was “off” in the Novak family. Not only did it produce Annie; it also produced Richie, who was 10% messed up and 90% crazy. Annie’s and Richie’s mother hung herself. Richie intimidated his father into submission. In addition, Richie was still a minor when he killed Annie’s friend. Oh, and Annie killed Richie. And lest we forget, one of them pushed their father out a window. What the hell was going on in that house? Walter Novak needs to return and shed some light on Annie’s back-story. 

In a crazy family, the craziest member dominates the household. It’s clear that Richie was the craziest Novak. If the craziest person isn’t happy, then nobody is happy.  What about the rest of the family? They can fight the situation, which only serves to exacerbate the craziest person’s craziness. Or they can “disappear.”  I believe that’s what Annie did and her parents let her. I suspect that Mr. and Mrs. Novak often treated Annie like the “inconsequential” child. It’s no surprise that she feels like she’s never seen. 

She married Terry to escape. Sadly, that marriage did not turn out very well. Terry had a lot of the crazy going on, too. Why didn’t Annie recognize this? Because “crazy” seemed normal to her. 

Then came Ryan. Ryan pursued her. Ryan saw her. It was Ryan’s idea to get married. Finally, Annie had a home, a safe environment, and a not-crazy man. (True, sometimes Ryan is cray cray, but compared to the Novaks, his craziness is nothing.) Annie was happy. She was a bit too Stepford wife for my liking, but she was happy.   

Sadly, Ryan’s amnesia smashed her security to smithereens. How could Ryan “see” her if he didn’t even remember who she was? He remembered his former loves, Kendall and Greenlee.  He pursued them with the goal of reviving his relationship with one, or maybe both, of them. He made dinner plans with Annie and then flew off to LA to stalk Kendall. Once again, Annie became inconsequential. 

Marrying Adam was another chance for a home, security and happiness. The world would have no choice but to “see” Mrs. Adam Chandler. True, Annie’s habit of kissing all the adult male Chandlers wasn’t her best move. Still, she was determined to make her marriage work. And then Adam got sick. He didn’t tell his wife about this, so when he avoided sex with her, Annie felt rejected. When Brooke showed up, it was good for the rest of the Chandlers. It was bad for Annie. Brooke and Adam spent a lot of time together. Annie could tell that her husband and his former wife were keeping a secret. Adam avoided her and Brooke ignored her. She saved JR’s life and even that didn’t gain her recognition she craved. Once again, Annie felt inconsequential. 

Her past doesn’t excuse some of her behavior but it does serve to make her a very interesting woman. 

Falling into JR’s bed was predictable. He wanted her. He seemed to be the only person in the world who truly wanted her. In addition, he is just damn hot. 

Annie repeatedly having adulterous sex with JR was no surprise, either. Scott saw Annie the way he thought she could be. JR sees Annie for who she really is. 

Can it work out for these two kids? Perhaps. Growing up in Adam’s shadow, JR often felt inconsequential. Growing up in Richie’s shadow, Annie always felt inconsequential. JR and Annie acknowledge each other’s existence. And goodness knows, they both deserve a hot love life.

On the other hand, they do live in Pine Valley, where no one’s happiness is a sure thing. I want them to stay together at least long enough to create massive gossip. I wouldn’t mind if they caused some trouble in the Valley,too. See you in two weeks. As always, thank you for reading what I write.

Share this:

After a great deal of thought and planning, I decided to give it a try and see how it compared.  Truth be told, I’d sworn off of fan events after my last GH Weekend because it had taken quite a personally dramatic turn and I really wasn’t excited about inviting a repeat.  That happens sometimes.

What a wonderful weekend!  A last minute scheduling problem had the venue changing from the Airtel Plaza to the Sportsmans Lodge literally less than a week before the event.  Other people would have crumbled, but Debbie Morris, AMC Fan Club President, got busy and took care of business.  The Sportsmans Lodge is 6 miles from the Airtel and they did a fine job of accommodating us at the last minute.  In a way, it was good to be “home” since the Lodge had been the venue for the GH Fan Club Weekend for years. 

We hit the ground running with the Kick Off Cocktail Party.  The grounds were beautiful as always:

Although I did miss the swans and the Koi fish from the ponds under the crossing bridges.  I was tempted to ask what happened to them, but wanted to continue my fantasy that they went to live on a big farm with lots of acreage and bugs and worms and such.

Linda Howard and I enjoyed our usual rollicking game that we like to call “check in” wherein we have a big ol fun time laughing and chatting and also get to greet everyone and give them beautiful jewelry keepsakes that look like wristbands but are actually priceless heirlooms. 

This is how it looked seconds before everyone got wild and crazy and were busting moves like mad.

The first star to arrive was one of the true hits of the weekend, Walt Willey.  I turned all gushy fan girl and lost every ounce of professionalism I might ever have hoped to have had and claimed first photo rights:

I'm squeee-ing on the inside

Like so many other AMC actors, Walt is much, much more handsome in person than he is on TV.  He was very personable and started working the room in no time.  Over the night, several actors passed through to chat with fans:  Finn Witrock (Damon), Stephanie Gatschet (Madison), Cornelius Smith, Jr (Frankie), Denise Vasi (Randi), Christina Lind (NuBianca), JR Martinez (Brot) and Jill Larson (Opal).

The Kick Off Party is very informal and the actors mingled with the fans, chatting and giving autographs and taking photos.  It’s a fan’s dream, very much like you would imagine it would be to walk into a cocktail party and find that several of your AMC favorites are not only there, but actually want to talk to you and spend time with you.  What a great way to kick off the weekend (hence the name… Goooooo Debbie!).

Here are more Kick Off Cocktail Party photos for you to enjoy. 

I did not post the bulk of the photos here so that your load time will be faster.

We dragged away from the Kick Off Party all spent and happy and slept in the next morning to get ready for the Karaoke Night party on Friday.  This event was organized and hosted by Claire Mullan and Michelle deMoss.  I have to be honest. I am just not a Karaoke person and when I first heard they were going to do this, I groaned and fussed a bit and thought it would be a dud party that would never again see the light of day.

BOY was I ever wrong!  It was the most fun event I have ever attended in my life!  The girls were so enjoyable and endearing  (Stephanie Gatschet, Brittany Allen – Marissa, and Christina Lind – NuBianca).  Speaking as an old woman, they were just absolutely precious.  They laughed and sang and engaged the fans in a truly personal way.

The DJ for the night, Mike Gonzo, was awesome and let me tell you, the boy can belt out some B-52s!  Loved the rendition of “Love Shack” he did with the gals.  Trent Garrett (Asher) said he would come if he could sing The Doors and as the night wore on, we started to wonder if we’d loaded up Morrison onto the machine for nothing.  Tap tap tao.  In he came and he forever more sang some Doors!  JR Martinez also stopped by and suffice it to say, a good time was had by all.

Fans Kandis, Rodney, Carol, Judy and Tammy were chosed from a bowl of names to sing with the stars and they could not have been more fun.  Of course, I have photos for you!

Around 3/4 through the Karaoke Night fun, I started dragging and knew we were going to have a killer day the next day.  We show up at 8:30am for check in for the main luncheon, work the main luncheon, run out and get a quick dinner then come back for Krystal’s BBQ, which would go well into the night.  Being old and all, I expected it to fell me like a mighty oak, so I went to bed and slept the sleep of the righteous, full of appreciation for the art and fun of Karaoke so long as other people are doing it.

Saturday dawned earlier than I expected, although I’m sure it was right on time.  If you attended the fan club weekend and had a wristband put on you at an event, there is about a 5 out of 7 chance that I’m the one who put it on you and around a 99.9% chance that I’m the one who put it on you if you went to the Kick Off Party, Karaoke Night, Main Luncheon, Krystal’s BBQ or the Chandler Brunch.

The fans who attended this event were so laid back and gracious.  GH fans are an intense lot and you can feel a mob mentality rustling just under the surface.  (Note:  This is one of those times in this commentary that I am speaking purely from my own observation and experience and I am quite certain this opinion is not shared by Debbie Morris, AMC, ABC, etc, etc) AMC fans are much more relaxed.  We did have one poor lady who passed out and needed EMT reviving because she got the impression Michael E. Knight (Tad) might not be there.  Having met him a short time later, I can completely understand the reaction because damn!   

I had the honor of managing the Green Room where the stars would come to hang out before they were announced at the event.  Seeing them when they aren’t “on” showed me that they really are just cool, genuinely nice people.   

Shortly before I went to work in the Green Room, Toni, the volunteer coordinator, gave me the sad news that I would be spending the entire day managing the autograph line for CAMERON MATHISON.  I mean “Wheeeeee! Is it GOOD to be Katrina or WHAT?”  I am admittedly not much of a Ryan fan (did you get that at all from my writing or did I have a poker face about it?), but I am a die hard Cam Mat fan!!

I mean, "Ska-weeeeee!"

That means I was already kind of air-floaty by the time I got to the Green Room and had to put on my unaffected, so cool, “These are just people” straight face.  I only got shaky once, which was when Michael E. Knight came in.  My co-writer of the AMCFC Commentary, Kate Brown, did her best to prepare me for the experience, but wow.  You just can’t ramp up for something like that.  He’s kind, handsome, unassuming, quirky and great fun.

Walt Willey went all Wile E. Coyote on me at the worst possible time.  Just as the actors were lining up to go in and be announced, he needed a bathroom run, so I escorted him out to the actor bathrooms (outside escort only, people) so he wouldn’t get mobbed.  As he was coming out, the guy went rogue and sprinted outside saying he needed a smoke.  Sigh.  WE’RE LINING UP, WALT!!  I do not chase after grown me.  In fact, if there’s any chasing that is going to go on, they’re going after me, so I just let go of the leash and off he ran.

Pretty soon, he made it back and off into the Main Ballroom we went.  For me, the most fun time of any fan event is being outside the ballroom with the actors when they are lined up waiting to go in.  They get a little jittery like anyone else and the energy is very high as they amp themselves up for the event.  The little kids (who are actually quite new to the show) were so very well behaved and obviously much beloved by the adult actors.  That was sweet to see.  Michael E. Knight loooked like he was thirsty, so I asked him if he wanted a drink.  He gratefully (in my mind, he’s tremendously grateful) said a Diet Coke would be wonderful.  I wiggled through and got him one and he made it disappear quickly.  He got a laugh out of the fact that for the weekend, the shot of tequila had been renamed as “Just a Tad.”  He asked me if I would mind doing something with his glass of ice and I had pause to wonder how much I could get for the straws on ebay.  Instead, I gently set the sacred chalice of Knight onto a side table and figured the wait staff would manage it.  (I did not touch the straws with my mouth.  No no no, I did not)

After a question and answers session that Walt expertly hosted, the actors dismissed to tables on the periphery of the room for autographs and photos.  From that point on, the afternoon is a blur of happy people and Cameron Mathison.  Cameron was full of energy and seemed delighted to be around the fans.  When you spend the whole day with these actors, you can start to see the mask slip sometimes and the irritation come out, but this guy was just as sweet to the last few people as he was to the first and was as genuine and gracious as he could be.

My break person arrived too late for me to get a Michael E. Knight photo (*moment of silence, please*), but I did get a tremendous hug from the very sweet, handsome, fantastic, insert other glowing adjectives here Michael Nouri (Caleb) who I have decided will likely be my next husband because I do love him so:

WHAT a sweetheart THIS guy is!

After my 5 minute break, I floated by to my Cam Mat table and finished up our day.  I am proud to say that MY charge stayed later than anyone else signing and having photos taken and after the smoke cleared, I looked up and saw that almost no one else was in the room!  Woot!  Time to get my Cam Mat photo and go have dinner!

Photos?  Pfft, of course I have photos for you.  What kind of proxy friend would I be without photos? Also, here is a full list of actor attendees from the luncheon:  Rebecca Budig, Tate Garrett, Bobbie Eakes, Michael E. Knight, Melissa Claire Egan, Cornelius Smith, Jr, Stephanie Gatschet, Finn Whitlock, Natalie Hall, Cameron Mathison, Jill Larson, Walt Willey, Christina Lind, Jacob Young, Jamie Luner, JR Martinez, Alicia Minshew, Chrishelle Stauss, Denise Vasi, Danielle Parker, Jack Vaughan and Tate Beney.  (The last three are the new Emma, Spike and AJ, respectively)

My pals and I headed out to the fabulasss Jerry’s Deli which is right down Ventura from the Sportsmans and had a supper than just could not be beat.  I think I had chicken.  Whatever I had, it was nummy to beat the band.

We then rushed back to the Sportsmans for Krystal’s BBQ,which was another event that went beautifully and was a lot of fun.  This event was organized and hosted by Claire Mullan and Michelle deMoss..  Bobbi Eakes signed a cowboy hat for everyone who purchased a ticket in advance.  There was a lot of singing and some line dancing and all kinds of fun stuff going on.  You can see for yourself because yes, as you may have guessed, there are photos.

Whew.  Go back to the hotel and sleep like the dead again.  Wake up first thing and head out to Breakfast With the Chandlers!  This event was organized and hosted by Claire Mullan and Michelle deMoss.  Again, the cast gave wonderful participation for the event and I have to tell you, that breakfast that was served looked soooo delish.  (No, we workers don’t get to eat and I had a burger from Carl’s Jr rolling around in my unhappy tummy by that point)

Photos are here!

Jacob Young was the host of this event and the guy, I swear, looks more like Brad Pitt every day.  This is what he looked like when I first met him in 2001:

Back then, he was dressed kind of like a bum and had the rapscallion edge to him.  (Sigh.  I miss you, sweet Abbie!)  But now!

Real men wear pink! Booyah!

Our little boy is all growed up.  Sniff. 

Brittany Allen could not have been sweeter, despite having been let go from the show around 45 minutes before the fan club weekend started.  She still jumped in there and had a blast and was a big ton of fun.  Melissa Claire Egan was charming and sweet and very notAnnie-like.  Adam Mayfield wanted to attend, but also having just been let go from AMC, he was off filming a new project and could not attend.

The weekend was such an amazing success despite the challenges of the venue changing and the fan passing out and a couple of people who did not get notified of the venue change in time.  I had a fantastic time and would love to participate in the event again, provided I am not off of the invitation list for my avid stalking of Michael E. Knight and Michael Nouri.  A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

Oh!  Stephanie Gatschet got video of some of the events and if you go to her YouTube channel, you can see some excellent footage of the fun we had!  If anyone has trouble seeing the photos, please let me know and I will try to figure out why.

Kate will return next week for commentary and I will be right behind her the following week.  Meanwhile, let me thank Debbie Morris, Toni Veltri, Michelle and George deMoss, Claire Mullin, Lynna Strickland, Linda Howard and the participating cast of All My Children for working so hard to create a fun and exciting weekend for the AMC fans.  Thanks also to Jose (our captain) and the staff of the Sportsman’s Lodge for saving out butts at the last minute and hosting a series of beautiful events.

Share this:

Being a soap fan isn’t as easy as it looks. Contrary to what some think, we don’t sit around eating endless amounts of chocolates while watching our shows. Well, OK, sometimes I do eat endless amounts of chocolate while watching AMC, but for medicinal purposes only.

We have invested time in AMC. Some of us have watched from the first episode. We know its history. We know its characters. We each know AMC.

And we each have a different idea of what a perfect AMC would look like.  I have my version. You have yours. Mine is better (just kidding). For example, in my perfect version, Greenlee would be running as fast as she could to get away from Ryan. For other viewers, Ryan and Greenlee redux will be a perfect confection.  A confection made of love rediscovered and baggage left behind.

Honestly, sometimes I struggle when the AMC on my screen doesn’t match the AMC in my head. Not a life and death struggle, but struggle enough to have me eating endless amounts of chocolate.

When AMC isn’t what I want it to be, I can exhaust myself looking for an enjoyable moment.

I didn’t have to wear myself out this week, because of

Yep, Angie and Brot. Their conversation was touching and, best of all, real. Their friendship chemistry is wonderful. It brightened my week in Pine Valley.

Angie and Brot have interacted before, but I never felt a true connection until now.

Brot is just what Angie needs. She needs someone trustworthy to share her fears with. She needs someone she feels comfortable with, so she can drop the “I am going to be the best blind woman this world has ever seen” persona and just be herself.  

Brot doesn’t hover. He understands that when life is truly hard, a hovering person, no matter how the good intentions, can drive a person crazy.

What does Brot get out of this?  A chance to help someone in pain. Brot is a care giver. I believe that this is one way that Brot is able to deal with his scars and his pain with equanimity. People can sense that Brot isn’t pretending to be brave, he truly is.

I confess to not being thrilled with AMC’s idea to cast a real veteran for this role. It felt like stunt casting. AMC is just one of the many soaps where stunt casting has turned out to be a dreadful idea.

This time AMC got it right. What a gem they found with JR Martinez.  Is he David Canary? Of course not. He makes up for his lack of acting experience in other ways. His charisma is off the charts. He gives Brot a humanity often lacking in soap characters.

My only complaint? The writers have used his character sporadically, when there are many Brot stories to be told.

I hope Angie and Brot as BFFs last a long time. I mean, really who can complain about both those amazing smiles being in the same scene? Not me.

See you again soon. And thanks for reading what I write.

Share this:

Lindsay Hartley (formerly Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald Crane Winthrop, who was the arch nemesis of Liza Huber’s character Gwen Hotchkiss on “Passions”) has been cast in the role of ”Cara” Finn who is thought to be Carolyn Finn who is Jake’s glazed over missing ex-wife.   Will she take one look at Jake and think he looked better in the African outback?  (Does Africa have on “outback?”  If it doesn’t it damned well should)  Ol’ Jake has gotten a little scruffy since he got married and no longer needs to peacock for his favors.  Will Susan Lucci, get a chance to go up against her little girl’s former onscreen nemesis?  We can only hope!  Hartley starts on December 8th and Passions fans are talking a good game about this actress?  I’ve not seen her work, but all I can say is brang it own!

2).  “But…but…but… we thought you were DEAD!!”  (Everyone in Pine Valley)

You know I’m not going to stop beating this particular dead horse with a hammer, a golf club, a baseball bat or the butt of a pistol.  You name it and this poor dead horse is going to get whapped with it until it gets up and starts prancing around like the damned Lipizzaner Stallions.  You know what I’m talking about.  They CAN’T kill off David!  As an aside, why is Liza being demonized for doing her job? 

They can take David Hayward away from me when they pry him out of my cold, dead, grasping fingers.  The loss we, as viewers, have sustained this year is too heavy to bear:  David, Adam, Zach, Jack for most of the year and back only as Erica’s lapdog, Palmer, Tad, Jesse… What?  Tad and Jesse are still there?  Oh, do you mean those two bitchy old women who look a lot LIKE Tad and Jesse? 

Who looks a lot like Statler and Waldorf from the Muppets any more?

No no no no no.  My Tad and Jesse look like this:

Oh sorry, no, I mean this:

I miss the real guys.  I truly do.  Missing all of these special characters as I do, having to give up David does not ride well in my saddle.  I’m not giving up!

Which brings me to:

3).  “Well this is just a little Peyton Place and you’re all Pine Valley hypocrites!”  (Anyone in Pine Valley who has a moment of clarity)

For as much as the beat on David as the cause of all of their sorrows and misfortunes, these folks sure do cause a lot of grief to other people themselves!  I actually threw up in my mouth a little bit listening to Angie lie her way through her hearing.   While I’m on the subject of the Hubbards, Shouldn’t Jesse be recused from investigating David’s “murder” when he and his wife are prime suspects? 

4).  Digi-deji-digo, what?  (Ryan and/or Greenlee)

How on earth did Ryan know how to spell “digitalis” to look it up on his phone and how did Greenlee know how to read such a big $5 word?

5).  COONEY!  Get your butt back in the sticks where it belongs!  (Adam)

How I would love to see Adam come back and kick up a real fight with Caleb!  JR is hardly man enough to take him on, but Adam could really give him a run for his money, not to mention the fact that the bad blood between them from the past would be a real kicker to the story!  Sigh.  I do so miss Adam.

Secondarily, why did Palmer, who was such a die hard fighter and ruthless business man, have such great appreciation for Caleb, who apparently ran from the world like a little girl the second Adam bested him?  Doesn’t exactly seem like the kind of man Palmer would get excited about.

Mind you, despite the quote, I don’t want Caleb to leave.  I’m starting to like having him around.  I just want Adam back, even recurring, to tussle with him like old times.

6).  Scott?  Is that you?  (Preferably Stuart, but since I can’t have that, I’ll settle for Marian)

News came out this week that both Brittany Allen and Adam Mayfield had been let go from the show and will air into October.  The official word from AMC is that they want to “take the characters in a different direction.”  Unless this means that the other direction is “off screen,” we have to presume a recast.  I have always said that the impact would have been much more pronounced and the story so much easier to buy if they had cast Alexa Havins as Marissa from the beginning.  Can you imagine if they’d used the discretion they used in killing off David and had Krystal walk into the massage parlor and we found Babe’s exact doppelganger there?  How cool would THAT have been?

My vote for recasting Scott, although I will miss Adam Mayfield’s sweet “Haley Joel Osment” face, is the old Scott, Forbes March.  Let him pick JR out of his teeth for a while.

7).  “We’ve located an island just off the coast of Pennsylvania.”  (Derrick Frye)

Derrick shows up and tells Jesse that they’ve found an island on which live Vanessa, Leo, Dixie, David, Simone, Jonathan, Edmund, Roger Smythe, Trevor, Josh, Stuart, Ethan and any other dead character that you like except Babe.  That one is non-negotiable.  They’re all alive and well and are bummed that the clones Greg Madden made of them got killed off while in Pine Valley.  Yes, I know Greg wasn’t in Pine Valley when some of them died, but if he could have anti-aborted Josh, he could have done anything.

8).  “Bianca, you’ve changed so much!”  (Erica)

Recasts are recasts and I accept them as part and parcel of the soap experience, but doesn’t Bianca seem a lot different than before?  As I listened to Kendall and Bianca reminisce about old times, I wondered why Kendall didn’t just set Bianca on fire and walk away. 

9).  “Little A, I mean, AJ, I mean whoever you are, kid, you’re going to have to man up if you’re going to be in this family.”  (Skye)

Let me get this straight.  First, the kid is scared by Miranda wearing make up.  Then he’s traumatized because she and JR are fighting.  Now he, like so many of us, is devastated by David’s death to the point of needing therapy.  This kid is a Chandler?  If ever a kid needed to go to Skye Chandler Quartermaine Alcazar boot camp, it’s this one.  He’s not going to make it into first grade without checking into a mental facility at this rate.  Coming from the wise-cracking, ironing board made grilled cheese sandwich eating, trucker pleasuring Carey women on one side and the cut-throat, take no prisoner Chandlers on the other side, you’d think he’d be made of sterner stuff.  If Skye can’t pry herself looks from spending her late husband’s millions (more of them, she already blew through the first batch) to do a little nephew counseling, maybe Dixie can make another swoop down from pancake heaven and give him a little spine infusion.  If he keeps on at this wussy trajectory, we’re never going to get him SORAS’d.

10).  “Good Morning.”  (Leo to Greenlee)

Nuff Said

I’ll see you in two weeks with stories of the wonderful AMC Fan Club Weekend experience!  Can’t wait to see you there!

Katrina

Share this: